I have always been a fierce fighter…I fight to not just exist but to live.
Ever since I escaped from the house of my childhood enslavement, I have been fighting, and I am guessing that I will keep on fighting, until my last breath.
I don’t always feel like fighting, not when my depression, anxiety, and Complex PTSD takes over, then all I want to do is just not exist, but I do come out of that state, eventually…to continue to fight to change the current situation, for the better.
My bouts of PTSD, anxiety, and depression attacks are my motivators, once they have passed, not at the time they have me under their control.
I fight to change the situation I am in, to reduce or wipe them out of my life, I refuse to sit and wallow in them. Sure, I want to learn everything I can about them, to understand them, to understand where they come from, what triggers them, and learn as much as I can about them.
I fight to educate the general population, around me on my mental illnesses, and the health sector in New Zealand. I fight to remove the stigma that surrounds my mental illnesses, I fight for people to take notice, and care about it, and stop the apathy of the general population, and the NZ Health Sector.
Way back, when I was a young girl of eight, I was kept locked up for years, abused by the captor, and their friends and family, to a point where I was only months away from death’s door, but there was a part of me who fought to survive, a part of me who was not ready to die yet, wanted to experience life more, and I fought back, even death.
My fighting spirit has brought me around the world, from a small village in Bangladesh, to a big City in New Zealand, via the world, and I am not ready to stop fighting yet.
The only person who can make a difference in my life is me, with the help of my therapist, and the Mental Health team, to whom I am eternally grateful.
I want you to fight, to change the things you are not happy about, do whatever it takes to change them, do not sit there and think there is nothing you can do, you can!
If one doctor is not right, get another, if one therapist is not right, find another. It may take you time to do it, because after each rejection, each fob off, each ignorant person, you will have setbacks, that is ok. take care of yourself while you are there, re-energise your batteries, and start again…but don’t give up, and don’t give in.